Who are the Scrodes Boys?

I've been thinking recently, and if we were all political figures, we'd be…

Louis: Bill Gates
While Bill Gates is not technically a political figure, neither is Louis. Both honestly and earnestly float above normal politics to look at what is best for the human species and the planet. This one's a no-brainer, but definitely not in the literal sense.

Bruce: Senator Joe Biden
You always know what you're going to get from Biden, and unless you like to smoke that wacky tabacky (as Biden is strongly anti-drugs), that's a good thing. You always know what you're going to get from Bruce, too, and that's even better, especially on the football field. Both men are confident and deliberate, products of their upbringings in small, out-of-the-way areas (Biden, Delaware; Bruce, Chilmark).

Bryan: Senator Charles Schumer
Chuck Schumer's always ready for a fight, which has become his defining characteristic. That's not always to his benefit, but the irascible New Yorker has certainly carved out a niche for himself in Congress. The similarly short-fused Bryan, with his New York attitude, need only the Yarmaluke to pull off the whole package here on the Scrodes blog, where he tackles all arguments, big or small, with ferocity.

Grant: Congressman Anthony Weiner
Representative Anthony Weiner is Schumer's protégé, much like Grant follows in Bryan's footsteps, only his ambitions are slightly different: Weiner plans to run for Mayor of New York City. He's also fiery tempered and has an independent streak moreso than Schumer, which pretty much nails the often vitriolic, often cuddly, but always independent-minded G when compared to his big bro. Get everything under control and the sky's the limit for these boys.

Ben: Lou Dobbs
Lou Dobbs surprised the CNN world by, several years ago, trading in his Moneyline jacket for the role of populist on his own nightly program. Ben surprised the Scrodes Bros. in 2006 by moving to Seattle, releasing a torrent of words and becoming the true populist of the Scrodes Bros. blog.

Steven: Senator Jon Tester
Jon Tester would rather be working on his farm, thank you very much, unless there's serious business to attend to in the U.S. Capitol. Then's he's ready to go. Steven would much rather be sitting at home eating chips and salsa and watching Office Space, thank you very much, unless there's football to be played. All business for both these boys.

Rafe: San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom
Newsom, the ultimate San Francisco liberal, is the mayor who made waves by allowing gay marriage in the Godless City and, more recently, was forced to apologize for nailing his staffer's wife a couple years ago. Rafe is probably more faithful than his mayor, but his left-of-center politics and generous streak make him a great match.

Sam: Allan Houston, Shooting Guard (Ret.)
Allan Houston will always be known for one great thing more than any other: that sweet, sweet jump shot. No matter what happens to Sammy from here on out, I'll never forget that orange ball leaving his hands on those long summer days, the net swaying under the fading sun, to the sound of "cookies" and "that's game."