SCRODESBALL WEEKLY

The confetti has been cleared by the grounds crew, the smack has been talked, and the helmets – some of which bear logos that are a lot gayer than others – have been hung back in their lockers. Yes, the opening weekend of the Scrodesball Fantasy League is over, and the action did not disappoint. There were two tight contests and one not-so-tight match-up; there were three winners and three losers; but there were six smiling faces as sportsmanship ruled the day and all participants could agree – you can’t spell “Scrodesball” without “fun.”*

Let’s re-cap and break down: In the game of the weekend, the Boston Punk Rock Tittays inexplicably defeated the Washington Patented Run in a game that featured a lot of passing, running, defense, and good old fashioned verbal fisticuffs. In the end, the game hinged on two atrocious performances by the Run’s quarterbacks; a late, lucky interception by Joey Porter that he returned for a touchdown; and an unexpectedly robust outing by wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth. Even with the cards so decidedly stacked against the Run heading into Monday Night Football, an inspiring comeback was still in reach, as Antonio Gates needed just 80 yards and a touchdown to even the contest at 136. Gates fell 54 yards short, and the Tittays emerged victorious by the skin of their nipples.

In other action, the Seattle Secules, Inc. and the New York Free Pie and Chips met in what has been dubbed “Blog-bowl I.” The action on the field (where the Free P ‘n’ C pulled out a six-point win) was topped only by the fierce battle of words between the teams’ respective owners. That exchanged reached a fever pitch when Seattle’s coach, Ben, said “RW McQuarters yoinked ya, Ply!”, to which New York’s skipper, Bryan, replied “haHA!”

Rounding out the weekend was a lackluster contest between the Arizona Mi Scusi and the Philadelphia Access Panel. In a coaching decision that is sure to be second guessed, the Panel went with Domanick Davis in the starting backfield, even though Davis is on the Injured Reserve list for the season with a severe knee injury. He totaled zero carries for zero yards, with zero touchdowns, since he can’t walk. Even more pathetic, however, were the Mi Scusi – a team reportedly owned by a degenerate frat boy “enrolled” at Arizona State University known simply as “G” – who couldn’t even manage 100 fantasy points. Mi Scusi? Me Sucky is more like it.

That’s all from Scrodesball. I leave you with my expert picks for the week:
Tittays over Mi Scusi
Access Panel over Secules, Inc.
LOCK OF THE WEEK: Patented Run over Free P ‘n’ C

*not literally true.